My greatest lessons have always come from my biggest mistakes. I’m no exception, that’s how it is for most people. Most, not all. Some just choose to keep making those same mistakes but not using the lesson to make a change. Khloe Kardashian for example. Come on girl. No. More. Basketball. Players. Sheesh, I think we all learned that lesson for her. If only it really worked that way, learning lessons for others. I think I hear every mom of a teenager collectively screaming, YES, if only!
I learned to love my mistakes. In my younger days, I was always a yes person, especially in my jobs. I was never able to disagree with intimidating people and always went along with whatever was asked of me. I worked for one of the most morally corrupt people I’ve ever encountered and I, along with every other employee, was subjected to mental and emotional abuse every single day. I stayed for four years and finally just broke one day. I was worn down, exhausted from the daily doses of abuse. I quit without another job to go to, but I was done, in every way, I was done. You don’t get unemployment when you quit a job, but I did. I did because I proved the environment was corrupt, abusive, and chock full of nepotism. From the day I left, I changed who I was. I made a decision that day. I would never, ever in my life let someone intimate me, abuse me, or make me feel less than what I am. I will never pretend to agree with something that I don’t. I can be pretty outspoken now, and I only have the devil woman herself to thank for that. Because of that experience, because of how I used to view people of authority, I am a strong person, and I will fight to the end for myself and anyone I think is being mistreated. Intimidating people are just that. They’re people. They are no better than you and me. They don’t have the right to diminish our self worth, yet we allow them. I did learn a great deal about the person I didn’t want to be from her. But, I also learned that those kinds of people are everywhere and they are nothing but bullies. Bullies who will one day have to answer all the questions we will when we meet God face to face.
Having type 1 diabetes has by far been my biggest lesson in self discovery. The years of neglect of my disease, the mistreatment of my body, the way I chose to live my life in denial. Those years most definitely came with consequences and diabetes-related complications, but I’ve said it time and time again, I wouldn’t change any of it. To change any of my mistakes would be changing who I am, and I kinda like me, so I’ll keep writing my life in pen. The comedian Louis C.K. had a perfect quote about our lives, he said, “To go back and erase all of our mistakes would be erasing ourselves.” We’ve all said, if I could just go back and change this or that. Changing something from your past would be erasing part of why you are who you are. B.O.R.I.N.G!
It’s hard to look back at some of our mistakes. Some mistakes are funny and we learn a silly lesson, like don’t dive into a pool in a bikini. But others, well, others are just plain painful. When I think back to some of my biggest regrets, I feel shameful and embarrassed that I could have been that person, but isn’t that part of the lesson? If we didn’t feel those things, I guess we didn’t really learn much (someone should write that down, that’s profound!!). But, it is nonetheless a painful process to go through when you’ve made big mistakes. A process that will bring you to a more peaceful place if you can learn to let it go. I’m not saying it is just that easy. Some things took years for me to let go. I had to keep asking God for forgiveness over and over. He forgave me the first time. What I should have been asking was for Him to help me to forgive myself.
Some of the best things come from mistakes. Like chocolate chip cookies. Ruth Wakefield is the inventor of Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookies, but she only accidentally invented them when she was trying to bake an all-chocolate cookie. The chocolate bits didn’t melt as she had hoped, but everyone loved her cookie and the rest is chocolate chip history. So, I think I’ll stick with writing my life in pen. I really don’t want to erase any of it anyway, even the most painful parts. I hope you are content writing your life in pen too, I mean, like a real pen, not an erasable pen you cheater!!
Have a great weekend, everyone! Go enjoy a chocolate chip cookie that may have never been!